Dog vs. Listerine

Well, M-J and I have recently returned from a crazy whirlwind "Tour of Missouri" as I have continuously dubbed our holiday travels. And there is no way we can spend that much time with our family and friends without a dozen or so oddball events occurring. This first one chronicles an evening at Mary-Jane's parents and a some miniature chaos brought on by our dog...

...On the way back from a walk with Frosty, I decided I could let him off the leash as we approached the fenced yard of Mary-Jane's parents. Without any trouble Frosty whooshed through the gate to check on his previously left bone in the front yard. I followed behind, and about the time I walked over to him, he was content with the bone's locale, and he trotted around to the back patio and porch to get into the house. When I made it around the corner I saw him sniffing in the bushes, most likely finding another item to "mark" as his in the yard. Peculiarly, he scratched at the bed of leaves beneath the bush, and picked up something in his mouth. Whatever it was, I know he wasn't supposed to have it, and I made my way over to investigate. Before I could get there, he spit it out, looked very perturbed, and ran past me to the door. As he passed I caught a whiff of what only could have been the worst smell next to death itself...I imagine if Death was to unload a "twosie" and light it ablaze, than this would be what it smelled like...and I only caught a whiff. Fighting the darkness of the evening with my LED headlamp, I noticed a moist leaf-shaped item on the ground where Frosty spat out his mouth voyager. I saw and determined it to be a practical joke put on by M-J's parent's cat, Miss Kitty (who is a boy) in which it pooped on a leaf and spread it around to make it appealing for the non-suspecting Frosty...but I can't believe the cat was that smart or cunning...point is, Frosty had poop (or worse) in his mouth.

I examined his mouth outside, and after not finding any physical evidence (other than the wretched smell described earlier) I of course did the logical thing and let him in the house to share the unique fragrance with Mary-Jane and her parents. In an instant the smell filled the room, and I exclaimed I didn't have any idea it would be that bad, that fast and M-J and I ushered Frosty into the bathroom and tub, thinking we could wash his mouth out (with what I did not know at the time, but we had to contain the smell).

Frosty happily jumped in the tub after we turned the frightening bathroom fan off, and stood there ready for whatever we were going to dish out. We figured we could at least wash his face to get any "outlying odor emitters" off his lips, and spray his mouth out with the detachable shower head. Well, the washing of the face with a rag went fine, but there was no way Frosty was going to let us storm his mouth castle. His lips were shut tight as could be, and nothing, no way, no how was getting in there (I imagine the vault at Fort Knox and Frosty must be related somehow).

After some pondering, my wife had the most splendid of "eureka!" moments. Frosty will lick anything off his face that he doesn't want there. After some debate on whether or not dogs could handle mouthwash, and then after near hurling after a waft of Frosty's breath hit us quickly ended the debate, Mary-Jane tracked down some citrus flavored listerine mouthwash, poured it in my hands, and I did the kind thing first and "offered" it to Frosty. He sniffed, and appeared uninterested, so my kindness turned to haste, and I splashed and rubbed that orangey-minty miracle juice all over his snout. Frosty did just as we planned, and his tongue scoured every inch of his muzzle, sopping up the astringing liquid. After a few unplanned sneezes, and some follow up water to drink, he emerged with fresh breath! The power of listerine not only covered up, but neutralized the nasty cat poop inferno breath.

After beating the death breath, I was inspired to wash Frosty with some waterless shampoo and spray doggie cologne on him to complete the fresh-smelling ensemble. Mary-Jane and I were so pleased at the results, we feel led to write a letter to Listerine to let them know of this story...not exactly sure how it would go, but I definitely could see a new advertising slogan or tagline - "Not even cat poop can stand up against the germ-fighting, odor-quenching power of citrus listerine! (spoken in my cool announcer voice of course)

Hope you enjoyed this holiday anecdote. There are many more to share...