I Can Be Your Hero

So, over the past couple of months I've began to play racquetball pretty regularly with a couple of other guys on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at 5 am. I'm at least moderately athletic, and after a couple of weeks I was able to get close to their level where I was at least competitive. Over the last month or two, I've noticed that I am almost on equal playing level with them (which to me just means that I win games pretty much as often as they do). It's a lot of fun, and a great workout, as I always come out drenched in sweat after about 75 minutes of playing in the morning. My wife can describe it as me looking like I just climbed out of the river, while the other two guys don't even look like they've broken a sweat. Endearing, I know...

Well, even though I feel like I'm improving, I still do stupid stuff and make erroneous plays basically every time we play. If nothing else, I'm good for a dose of comic relief. You see, I basically have to levels of athletic play in me. 1) The level that I play at for competitive sports, such as football, basketball, baseball and track that I competed in during high school. Competition was important then, and I tried to have fun. 2) The level that I now find myself playing basically all things at. I play for fun, for the workout, and to generally improve at whatever I'm doing. Similar to the weekly Thursday night sand volleyball games that I participated in during high school with my friends. We were out there for bragging rights and the glory of the moment, not to try to when games on a school team.

Anyway, back to the humorous events during racquetball. I've recently been successful at running into the wall while not looking at it, hitting myself in the face with the ball (thank God for goggles), hitting myself in the mouth with the ball (swollen lip from that), tripped over the lines on the floor (yeah, read it again - you'll know what I mean), and lastly the moment I've dubbed as the "Slow-Motion, I Can Be Your Hero, Baby" instance.

The ball was bouncing high, over my head, and I was backpedalling to get into position, and at just the right time, I leapt as high as I could and took a mighty swing at the ball... and whiffed. Completely, 100%, I might as well have been trying to fan Cleopatra whiff. I have no idea how far off I was from making contact, but after it happened, I could only imagine what it must have looked like - and in my head it was in slow-motion, and Enrique Iglesias was belting out his oh-so-over-played ballad. But hey, no matter how sad that was, wouldn't you be intimidated by the guy below? :)

Random Thought 4

In the future, it would behoove me to NOT hit myself in the face with a racquetball.

Random Thought 3

I think the Roomba is a pretty sweet invention, but I don't see why we don't expand... I'm thinking the robot that mows your lawn - The Lawnba.

Random Thought 2

I wonder why humans never domesticated the hippopotamus? Just think about it... it's a good idea through and through.

Random Thought 1

Wouldn't it be more efficient if those gigantic windmills you see alongside the interstate that are used to capture wind energy had more than three blades?

Slacking Off

Well, my wife has built another one-of-a-kind entertainment venue that make people around us go, "huh, what is THAT thing?" Let me tell you...

Mary-Jane, who if you didn't know, is really in to anything rock climbing, has constructed a slack line. It is a useful tool that rock climbers practice with to improve their core balance. The slack line is made mostly of 1-inch climbing webbing. One piece is wrapped around a tree and tied together with a carabiner. What is a carabiner you might ask? Well, it's that clip-thing that I have my keys hanging from on my belt loop. But don't get me wrong, these carabiners for the slack line are heavy duty, able to withstand multiple hundreds of pounds - my key carabiner would most definitely not. When wrapping the webbing around the tree we are sure to place rugs between the tree and webbing so as to not damage the tree. Just ask Mary-Jane, they are the most beautiful rugs ever (Actually, they are the $1.00 rugs I purchased for the floor in our bedroom that subsequently got "demoted").

Anyway, the the other piece of webbing is also wrapped around a tree about 15-20 feet away and is stretched toward the first tree. The two ends of webbing (both containing a carabiner) are connected with a cum-a-long (a ratcheting tool used to bring two things closer together-think "portable winch"). Now, as you get on the slack line, is stretches, so if you are having trouble imagining this, just think if a tightrope and a trampoline procreated... the offspring would be a slack line.

Now, getting on the slack line is quite the animal in itself, let alone REMAINING on the slack line. Enjoy the posted video of me proudly showing you how difficult it is to stay on the slack line. My personal best is about 2.5 seconds (give or take 1.5 seconds). Mary-Jane has balanced for 47 seconds! Of course, it may be longer now... she is out working on it as I type. Either way, I could go on and on about this, but just wanted to give you a taste about it. Ask me more about it, and I'd be happy to share. Apparently it's called the world's thinnest trampoline... I don't see it, and as far as I can tell, all we built was a human slingshot.

99 Things

Saw this on a blog and thought it looked like fun. I may have changed 1 or 2. :)

(The things I have done are blue)

Copy and paste to your blog so we can see how awesome we all are.

1. Started a blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Bought something from an infomercial (Thank you Miracle Blade III!)
4. Had more than one flat tire on the same road trip
5. Shopped at the Mall of America
6. Been to Disneyland
7. Climbed a mountain (Does going up on a ski lift count?)
8. Jumped on a pogo stick (not well...)
9. Fell from a tent naked as a child (I'd like to meet the person that this DID happen to)
10. Been to Mt. Rushmore
11. Toilet papered someone’s house
12. Watched a lightning storm
13. Taught yourself an art from scratch
14. Sold knives
15. Had food poisoning - Probably, but not officially diagnosed as such
16. Put a worm on a hook
17. Had “Glamour Shots” taken
18. Failed a class
19. Been interviewed by the police
20. Had a pillow fight
21. Been a part of a Broadway show
22. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
23. Built a snow fort
24. Held a lamb
25. Gone snorkeling
26. Ran a marathon
27. Been white water rafting on the Arkansas River in Colorado
28. Played spades
29. Watch a sunrise or sunset
30. Hit a home run
31. Quit smoking
32. Been a friend to someone no one else liked
33. Walked the stars on Hollywood Blvd.
34. Seen an Amish community in person
35. Ate tacos in Tijuana
36. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
37. Done tongue tricks for a crowd
38. Gone rock climbing
39. Adopted a middle-aged pet
40. Sung karaoke
41. Seen Old Faithful Geyser erupt
42. Burned my mouth on jalapeno seeds
43. Seen John Wayne’s birthplace
44. Walked on a beach by moonlight
45. Drove down Snake Alley
46. Witnessed someone else’s child being born
47. Call my sister her name backwards
48. Fell asleep on the couch
49. Wore mis-matched socks all day
50. Ran out of gas
51. Kissed in the rain
52. Played in the mud
53. Gone to a Drive-in Theatre
54. Been in a movie
55. Dated a criminal
56. Started a business
57. Made a stranger laugh
58. Burned tacos
59. Served at a soup kitchen
60. Sold Girl Scout cookies
61. Been in a cave
62. Got flowers for no reason
63. Danced to the music in my head
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Fell up the stairs
66. Bounced a check
67. Been to Cocoa Beach Fl.
68. Saved a favorite childhood toy
69. Wore a henna tattoo
70. Been given a car-for free
71. Laughed hysterically at yourself
72. Had pink hair
73. Drove on the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Been fired from a job
75. Went horse back riding through mountains
76. Broken a bone
77. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
78. Seen a redwood forest
79. Drove on the PCH - The what?
80. Saw Chicago from the Sears Tower
81. Watched a street performer on Venice Beach
82. Missed a flight
83. Had your picture in the newspaper
84. Had a surprise party thrown for me
85. Hailed a cab
86. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
87. Had chickenpox
88. Been serenaded
89. Partied on a yacht
90. Met someone famous
91. Fired a gun
92. Got a tattoo
93. Had a baby
94. Seen the Alamo in person
95. Lived with an incredible view (by who's standards?)
96. Received a $50 tip.
97. Owned a cell phone
98. Been stung by a bee
99. Quit a job without giving notice

The things I saw on my walk to my car

Leaving work today and walking four blocks to my car, this is what I saw:

1. 3 people wearing trenchcoats - 2 tan, 1 black

2. A girl walking a squirrel.

3. Okay, it wasn't a squirrel, but it might as well have been. It was the world's smallest, most pathetic dog.

4. Said dog proceeded to lift his leg and do is business by marking... nothing. He went number 1 out in the middle of a yard, basically missing any territory worth marking.

5. After peeing, squirreldog proceeded to air-hump. For what reason I have no idea, unless he was trying to shake the last bit of pee out (if you shake more than twice you're just playing with it).

6. Steps 4-5 happened twice - at the beginning of the block, then at the end.

7. Girl walking squirreldog was appropriately fashioned in the "no pants look." She had a shirt long enough to cover her butt, and was wearing what could only be described as tights... oh yeah, and Uggs - Ugh.

8. Three additional pairs of Uggs.

9. Two people walking about 10 feet one behind each other whose combined age was at least 160.

10. Someone dressed identical to Gilligan - except their sailor hat was grey, not white. It still counts.
11. I can't believe I forgot this initially - there was an erect "snow phallus" on the porch of what I guess was a college house. But that was not the funniest part... I walked by AS the guy was "constructing" said phallus. He of course didn't forget the "berries" to go with the "twig." Way to go, Michelangelo.

I'm sure there were others, but the whole squirreldog episode was too good not to share. Gosh I love working at a college.

Vote for My Mom!

Hey Everyone, as many of you know my mom is currently battling another bout with cancer. She has been taking multiple chemotherapy treatments over the past year, and is currently on a hormonal treatment to fight off this disease. My brothers and I are trying to give a really fun gift to her, so please check out this site, read her story called "Marvelous Mother" for the Royals, and vote for her story. Thanks so much!

http://www.mlb.com/enterworkflow.do?flowId=contest.gallery&FORM_CODE=mlb_2010_komen_bgc&pageNo=6&action=currentWeek&sortOrder=NICKNAME1

Poem the Twenty-Eighth

Haikus are crazy,

And sometimes they don't make sense.

Philadelphia.

Poem the Twenty-Seventh

Heading west today!

A fishing show in Des Moines,

Plus we'll see our friends!

Poem the Twenty-Sixth

Student needs kleenex-

I undertake the mission,

with dusty success.

Poem the Twenty-Fifth

Nice, folksy music:

The Simon and Garfunkel.

Soothing, calming sounds...

Poem the Twenty-Fourth

Flat tires are no fun,

Especially when they are

too bad to be fixed.

Poem the Twenty-Third

It stays light later,

My favorite time of year-

Spring is now coming!

Poem the Twenty-Second

It's not any fun
to have a cold when working.
Hope it gets better.

Poem the Twenty-First

The day is too short,

but there is eternity.

Glad it is with God.

Poem the Twentieth

It was nice today,

walked to the grocery store.

Made some smoked chili.

Poem the Nineteenth

Trip to the doctor.

My wife is still not better :(

I want her healthy :)

Poem the Eighteenth

Trendy, Fuzzy Boots.

I just don't understand them.

They make me say, "Ugh."

Poem the Seventeenth

Walking down the hall,
I smell something wonderful.
The full-body sniff*.

*The full-body sniff is what happens when you are walking one direction, and you smell something so good, it causes your entire body to shift direction: your shoulders rise and swing toward the smell, your head jerks back toward it, and it's likely that your hips also spin and slide... the rest of your body just follows suit. The smell of roasting chicken will do that to a man.

Poem the Sixteenth

Good to have today.

Today is a ketchup day-

oops, I mean catch up.

Poem the Fifteenth

A late night at work

Driving home on icy roads,

It must be Monday.

Poem the Fourteenth

What can a guy do

When his poor wife is so sick

on Valentine's day?

Poem the Thirteenth

Snowboarding today!

Valentine's gift with my wife!

Illinois beauty.

Poem the Twelfth

It's nice on Fridays

To get to go home early.

Someday I might know...

Poem the Eleventh

Sometimes I wonder,

What squirrels daydream about:

Bigger nuts I guess.

Poem the Tenth

I'm not sure what is best:

Bones, Scrubs, maybe The Office.

Gosh I like T.V.

Poem the Ninth

Are you kidding me!?!

Spending the night at the lab,

I have too much work.

Poem the Eighth

Sorry to the Colts.

But you know that second place

is just first loser.

Poem the Seventh

Superbowl Sunday!

Grilling out in the winter

With some of our friends.

Poem the Sixth

In need of some rest.

A great, lazy Saturday

That ended with steak!

Poem the Fifth

Hallways are quiet,
No college students in class.
It must be Friday.

Poem the Fourth

I am so tired;
Today's lab went way too long.
Try again next time.

Poem the Third

Pleasant Aroma-
Dark chocolate, silky smooth.
Decadent Coffee.

Poem the Second

Punxsutawney Phil,
you see your shadow today?
You had better not...*

*We here at "An Owen in Iowa" in no way condone the threatening of small woodland creatures. However, we are also not responsible for the well-being of said creatures, especially ones that have the power (real or superstitious) to extend winter by six weeks.

Haiku February - Poem the 1st

It's February,
the second month of the year
and I am still cold.

My Christmas Trip - Haiku Style!

The title says it all...

December 22

Trip to Liberty

We left early to beat snow

Missouri was warm

December 23

Slept in until ten

Gift exchange with the siblings

Red Lobster dinner

December 24

Christmas Eve service

It was cancelled due to sleet

Glad the fire was warm

December 25

It is Christmas Day!

We went out to Grandma's house

Got shuttled through snow

December 26

Went to Lebanon

Wife had sore arms and sore back

She sledded with Zach

December 27

Church in Lebanon

I found a new Chiefs Hoodie

We also played Pitch

December 28

Went to a movie

With Pat and Leland Townsend

We saw "The Blind Side"

December 29

We went to the Lake

Ate with Brian and Sarah

Then shopped at the GAP

December 30

Moved antique wardrobe

Party at the Hudson's house!

Met some of their friends

December 31

We left for Springfield

Got to eat lunch with Dillon!

New Year's Eve Party!

January 1

Grabbed a keg with Mack

Picked up an ancient sofa

Rehearsal dinner

January 2

Such a crazy day

Up til three in the morning

Mack-Vestal Wedding!

January 3

First day of weight loss

Became friends with the toilet

Twenty-Four hour purge

January 4

Almost recovered

Headed home north anyway

Felt great to be home!

There you are, a poetic rendition of our trip to Missouri this Christmas season. Mayhaps there will be further postings on it, but just in case, I hope you enjoyed this summary!